just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
