there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
