dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
