i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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