i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
