New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my poor anus
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