I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
