I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
