he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize