please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
