i think i have two assholes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
