just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sext me about skeletons
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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