Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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