all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
