It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
