You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
