Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
