he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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