I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
