What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
