i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
