i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
