i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
