bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
