I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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