I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
