She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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