would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
