she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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