Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
