Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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