The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
