He managed to light the Jello on fire...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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