the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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