a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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