Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
