I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
