i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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