bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
