just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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