I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
