Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
