So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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