what day is it and did you see me today?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
