I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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