you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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