When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
