Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
