you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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