I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
