508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
