You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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