I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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