yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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