No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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