my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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