Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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