I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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