rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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