Whod you bang
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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