I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
